I've been working on my art business a lot lately. Well, as much of a lot as my full-time parenting gig allows me to. There are so many things I am excited about. There is a grand vision for the future. And I want to get there fast, like, right now!
Sketch of my son in his new red wagon.
And it's not going to happen. It will, but definitely not so very fast.
It's been five years since I began, at an empty and sweltering hot middle-of-nowhere swap meet, approaching my art practice as a business. It seems like such a long time and I feel that I should have been so much farther by now.
Yes, I have all kinds of excuses, but they don't help when I'm on my own and comparing myself with someone who, within the same time frame, is three steps ahead of me. They are getting featured everywhere and showing at the gallery I want to be in, while I'm changing diapers and cleaning up messes. It's very frustrating.
I know what you're thinking. Comparing yourself to others is pointless and only makes you feel worse. True. It's just, sometimes, you can't help it.
On the flip side of this, I am completely humbled by all the people (often older, with more life experience) who look up to me. Just yesterday, someone called me 'a real pro.' Who, me?
I guess maybe I am :)
I'm so pro that I can even draw stick figures. This one, for example, is from a book on anxiety I illustrated earlier this year:
Hang out with your fears.
I like this one. It makes me think about my fears (of failure, of missing out, of being a fraud, of not being a good enough mom and wife, of wasting my life) as little fuzzy monsters I can learn to live with.