Well, what do you say after going AWOL for over a year?
Hi! How have you been? Hope all is well.
I’ve been all kinds of good and bad during that year and a half. A lot has happened but the main event has been my divorce…If you’ve been through it, you know it’s something that devours your whole life for a while. The hardest times for me have been those to do with the kids…I have three, and they are now 10, 7 and 6 years old. They have been my lifeline through the difficult marriage, and now in the absence of marriage, it is my turn to be the rock.
They’ve done well, considering. These days, they split their time half and half between mom and dad and a lot of the scary emotional uncertainty brought on by the divorce has died down.
I guess it has died down enough for me that I can talk about it. I went through almost a year of therapy (and could probably do a few years more). I won’t go into detail about why all of this happened here but you are welcome to ask. However dramatic it may sound, I feel like a survivor. There really were times when I felt I would not make it. But I did make it, and I am happy now.
After the divorce was final in February this year, I decided it was also the time to change jobs. Try a different size firm, a different market, see how well I do in a new environment. As a newly single mom, I was also feeling the need for more income.
I timed the beginning date of my new job a month after I quit the last one. That month, I went on my own “eat-pray-love” adventure in Europe. I’ve been saving up for and planning that trip for a while. And it was so worth it! I spent a glorious week in Copenhagen and stopped by Berlin, Prague and a few places in Ukraine. There is enough material there for a whole series of blog posts, but for now, just a few sketches.
Berlin
Lviv, view out of a cafe.
Right before I went on my trip, two things happened: 1) I got into a car accident that totalled my car and 2) I met the man I am dating now. Those were two independent events :). It was easy to pull off a month without a car while in Europe, but after I came back, I scrambled to get another one as soon as possible.
On the other hand, after one date and a month away, I wanted to see the same guy. We’ve been going steady since. If you were about to roll your eyes, now is the time - yes, I am dating a musician. He’s good at it, too.
So yeah. Divorce, new job, epic trip to Europe, new relationship. I’ve been busy. Ah yes, I also passed my last (6 of 6) Architect Registration Examination and now, all that stands between me and an architect license is the CSE (California Supplemental Examination). That’s the goal for 2020.
Often, I get asked if I still paint. I do, though these days, it has taken the back seat to the architect job and the rest of my life. It is harder to make the quiet space for art and to get in the flow. I have to physically take myself into a specific setting: I am either 1) traveling or 2) participating in a life drawing session. Both of those are a break from the daily life, rather than a way of life.
And that’s okay with me. The other repeating question I hear once in a while is “How do you do it all?” That’s just it though, I don’t. I haven’t blogged for a year and half because there was no room for it in my life. And because the heavy topics I wrote about would be out of place here on the website dedicated to my art. I have been occasionally sloppy with my art sales during that time, too. I have not felt on top of my game.
Sometimes, it is time to step away. It’s tempting to beat yourself up for not being everywhere at the same time, for not living up to someone else’s expectations. I do it all the time, and the expectations are usually mine. But if you pause and look at yourself with compassion, as you would at a friend, it becomes obvious how ridiculous those expectations are. You are doing just fine. You got the things that matter covered.
And to others, it probably even looks like you’re “doing it all.”
Tomorrow, a new year starts. It is my annoying habit to question all conventions and I know that there is nothing magical about December ending and January beginning. However, I also know that we have the power to make it magical. So let’s! If 2019 has been good for you like it was for me, 2020 will be even better. And if it wasn’t so great…well, there’s no way but up!
Happy New Year!
